Helping Your Little Ones Develop Self-Control

Here are some tried-and-true strategies to support your little one’s journey toward self-regulation:

1. Model Calm Reactions to Stress:

Our children are always watching us, learning how to handle emotions and stress by observing our responses. When they see you stay calm, breathe deeply, or express frustration with words instead of raised voices, they absorb these methods as options. Simple actions, like taking a deep breath when you’re frustrated or expressing, “I’m feeling a bit upset right now, so I’m going to take a minute to breathe,” teach them powerful lessons in self-regulation.

2. Create Waiting Games and Practice Delayed Gratification:

Self-control is often about waiting for something good. You can build this skill in playful ways. Start with a simple game like, “Let’s see if we can count to five before we open this snack,” and as they succeed, extend the count over time. Even activities like “Simon Says” help children learn to stop and listen before acting. Gradually increase the challenge with longer waits, reminding them that sometimes waiting leads to even better outcomes.

3. Help Them Name Their Feelings:

Young children have big feelings, but they don’t always have the words to describe them, which can be frustrating. Encourage them to label emotions—happy, sad, angry, frustrated, excited. When a child can name their feeling, they’re one step closer to controlling it. You might say, “I see you’re feeling frustrated because you can’t have the toy right now. That’s okay! Let’s think of something we can do while we wait.”

Consider using books or flashcards with pictures of different feelings to make it easier for them to recognise and name emotions.

4. Set Consistent Routines and Boundaries:

Clear routines give children a sense of predictability, making it easier to practice self-control. When they know what to expect—like snack time at a specific time each day—they’re less likely to become impatient or act out impulsively. Similarly, consistent boundaries let them know what’s allowed and what’s not. For example, if they know they need to finish their homework before they can play, they learn to wait for a reward within a clear structure.

5. Use Visual Cues and Timers:

For children who struggle with the concept of time, visual aids like a timer or a countdown clock can make waiting easier. Gradually, this helps them adjust to following timelines and reinforces the idea that good things often come with a little patience.

6. Encourage Problem Solving:

Teaching problem-solving skills is a great way to build self-control. When a child faces a conflict, like wanting a toy someone else is using, instead of stepping in right away, guide them through solutions. You might say, “I see you want that toy, but your friend is playing with it. What could we do instead?” This helps them consider options and think before acting on impulse.

7. Praise Small Steps of Self-Control:

Positive reinforcement goes a long way in encouraging self-regulation. When you see your child waiting patiently or handling frustration in a constructive way, celebrate it! Say, “I’m so proud of you for waiting your turn,” or, “I saw you took a deep breath when you were upset. That’s fantastic!” This reinforces their efforts and motivates them to keep trying.