Helping Siblings to Welcome & Accept a New Baby

Luckily there are many things that we can do to help our youngsters come to terms with the inevitable and we can also help them anticipate Baby's arrival.

Below are a few main points to help you along the way. Please remember that each child and each situation is different. I have a ton more ideas and have helped many families that were worried about the older child's reaction. Each child and family needed their own specific method to ensure the older children accepted, loved and welcomed the new baby with open arms. If you are about to have another child and are worried about the reception from the older siblings, please reach out to me and let me create your own specific method that takes your child's personality into account.

So here we go:

* Read lots of books about new baby coming and them becoming the big brother/sister. There are many books to choose from so take a trip to the library before buying anything. Ask questions about the book as you read, eg what is baby doing? Why is baby sad? How is big brother/sister helping?

* Make any major changes at least 2 months before baby comes, eg changing days at school, potty training, changing rooms, etc. You don’t want your child to think that baby is the reason for the changes and therefore get resentful.

* Start teaching them independence, ie pour a little jug of water/juice/milk and put it on a low shelf in the fridge and teach them to pour their own drinks. Put snacks/fruit next to the drink, limited quantities. Also encourage them to dress themselves more, teach them how to wash their hands properly, teach them how to brush their hair, etc. The more independent they become, the less they will feel like you are giving all your time to the baby as they rely on you less.

* Make it clear that the new baby is very little and won’t be able to play at the beginning. This prevents disappointment when Baby arrives.

* Role play with a baby doll – let your child bath the doll, feed the doll, dress the doll, change nappy, put the doll to bed, etc. Let them really explore that doll and explain that the new baby is a little like the doll because Baby can’t do anything for itself yet. The way they interact with the doll gives you an idea of how they will be with Baby.

* Keep reassuring them that you still love them the same as always but you will love the new baby too. They must understand that your love for them will never go away or change.

* Explain the baby will cry because they can’t talk yet. They will cry when hungry, tired, dirty or just wanting a cuddle. Ask your child if they will help you work out what the baby might need. This makes them feel needed and involved.

* Make a nursing basket of new fun things that your child can use while you are feeding the baby. It is a special basket to be kept only for feeding times and they can play on the floor next to you whilst you feed. That way they can share their new discoveries with you and not feel excluded during those times. Buy extras in advance so you can rotate things to keep it exciting.

*Your older child will probably find a baby really wrinkly and alien-looking. To help manage expectations, pull out some photos of them when they were a newborn and give the lowdown on some of the things that make infants different from toddlers. For example:

- Belly buttons: Newborns have an umbilical stump attached to their belly button for a few weeks.

- Scrunched-up legs: Their legs are scrunched up from all that time spent tucked inside Mommy's tummy.

- Floppy necks: Their necks are floppy, and it'll be awhile before the new baby's neck is strong enough to support their giant head.

- Soft spots: New babies have delicate soft spots in their skulls (which is one reason to be extra gentle with their head).

* Get Dad to do more and more with your toddler before the new baby comes, and you get busy doing something else, eg you cook dinner and Dad does bath time, you go to the shop and Dad plays with your toddler at the park, you have a shower and Dad puts them to bed. That way you are there and your child can see and hear you but Dad is doing more and more allowing your child to get used to what it might be like when baby comes and they get used to Dad’s way of doing things.

Doing these things well before the birth will give your toddler a chance to come to terms with and accept the arrival of a new sibling. Hopefully we will also create a little anticipation and curiosity too. Be careful not to hype it up into too big an event as this can cause feelings of overwhelm and stress.

Once Baby has arrived there are things that will help to incorporate Baby into the family without causing resentment for your older child. Again I have only touched on a few ideas and there are many more, so reach out to me if you need me.

Here we go:

* Let them do their own thing. They might not want to have anything to do with Baby at the beginning and that is fine. Their coping mechanism might be to ignore Baby at the beginning. Don’t push it. They will come around in their own time. Also allow them to continue doing what they were doing before Baby came, eg ballet, playdates, football, etc

* Buy 2 small new toys (keep them a surprise!) for Baby to give to their sibling to say “hello” – 1 at the hospital and 1 to exchange with their sibling when you get home - and let your older child choose a gift for Baby to say “welcome”. Make a fuss about wrapping the gift and put it somewhere visible to build some excitement.

* When your child comes to see you at the hospital make sure Baby is in a bassinet next to you so that they see you first and not the baby. That way you can give them a cuddle and reassure them with open arms before bringing the baby into the picture. This is less threatening. You might want to consider sitting in a chair (not bed) if possible so things appear as normal as possible.

* Drive home from hospital altogether as a family so your older child doesn’t feel like the baby has replaced them but rather that the baby is an addition to the family. On the drive home you can ask them what toy they want to show the baby first or would they show the baby which is baby’s bed, etc. These questions will allow your child to think about how Baby will be incorporated in your daily life.

* You might want to think about throwing Baby a little birthday party – just the immediate family. Dad can buy a cake and put a candle on it, a few balloons and the children can exchange their gifts. You sing happy birthday and play with some balloons and it makes Baby’s arrival positive and fun for your older child.

The arrival of a new baby is a magical wonderful time and if we are a little gentle and patient with our older child it can be a special time for them too. It is worth taking the time to think about things from their point of view and try and understand how they might be feeling or seeing the world to ensure a happy, easy transition for all.

As always, let me know how I can help :)